Trying to fix the broken pieces

So there are certain days when you literally slip off in the dark well. The days when your mind goes in the denial mode with everything your heart wants to do. The sensational mind becomes so recalcitrant that it wont allow you to cross that one ladder which could make you feel better than what you are feeling because that is how you are supposed to feel at that point in time.

I don’t know that’s bipolar or what but I just know it doesn’t make you feel happy anymore. We get into the relationship with bed and blanket without even thinking what’s going on.

Mornings seem like those stressed night when one is horrified by all the acerbic thoughts from “why did I not eat a pancake to what is the purpose of my life!”

A girl who who was so fond of morning breakfasts with her favorite chocolate milk, suddenly turns into an idol of silence. Dining table is her go to spot of the day but the days when she gets attacked by psychedelic thoughts of pretty unappealing major experiences of her life, she simply sits on the same table, biting a bread and deep down drowned in the ocean of the lost answers.

Going for a shower seems to be that task which can’t be won by staying in bed. Picking those broken pieces of your self and trying to assemble each, without having known what belongs where, is not what she can do in this handicapped mode.

Behind every chore she does, there is only one intention, “after this is done, I would get to hide myself in bed once again and run away from the harsh realities of life”

Waking up from the sleep be like, hell why did my sleep break and why do I have to face this world! Constant hallucinations of the dark side of life were torturing her like anything. It was like some thing was bothering her so deeply that even while getting up from bed to grabbing a glass of water, would haunt her with ten thoughts in ten steps. She was all lost in yesterdays conversation related to her work. For the first time in life, she felt like a loser who could not achieve anything and was a burden on this earth. The trauma from which she was passing was clearly visible on her face and cognitive behavior.

The feeling of failure and not being able to do anything was eating up every corner of her mind and she kept herself hidden in the bed for the whole day.

Despite all the big and bad experiences of her life, she was so strong to hold herself and move on, leaving everything up to the god and destiny. But this day had brought in totally a different version of her which even made herself ashamed!

Everybody was at home being a weekend, but her inner self was in fight with her conscience so badly that she wouldn’t even have guts to look into anybody’s eye!

What could be so miserable tearing her apart? Was she caught up in the desire and expectation cycle? Had it hurt her self-respect? Did that incident broke her moral esteem? Was she trying hard to find for all the broken pieces and fix it all over again? Aversion towards self is the most obnoxious enemy one can have and the symptoms were clearly portraying she was in a state of devastating….