Fetish Desires!

There is a unique way of testing the taste of senses

The food we eat, tastes delicious only till the time we are eating

The music we listen soothes ears only till the time we are listening

Ultimately this means that all the sensual pleasures are timely and will come to an end,

The only person who has rose above all the fascinations of this materialistic world and attained enlightenment, will save himself from getting arrested in such fetish desires of life

Being greedy will never give you peace, because peace lies only in the satisfaction and contentment which comes from the happiness of your soul and heart.

Music and Brain....

The sound waves that have a nice ability to change our mood and bring us back to life. Such is the effect of music! ♭

Music has the boldness to be as black as coffee and as sweet as sugar...

I was sitting on my office chair, on a Saturday morning. Would not forget to mention that past few nights have been tough on me. Do you know how it feels to be sleep deprived? One day, two day, three days it seems fine but totally not being able to sleep whole week and yet working! 

It is like a zombie sitting in front of a computer, not understanding which tabs are open and what is the purpose of the whole thing! Suddenly the excel sheets start appearing as a game of ladders and the story written in the word document seem so disheartening! 

I would still not forget to turn my trance playlist on and plug in the Bose ear phones. I am not being a pricey over here but the only thing I was trying to say is that the quality of music plays a vital role when your primary motto is to feel every string and chord of music.

How reflexive it becomes to see yourself, thinking and doing nothing, still starring at the monitor screen so badly as if you wish to crack it just with your powerful glance. 

Being fond of Psychedelic trance music, first of all makes it too weird for the majority that isn't even aware of it. But being weird and mysterious in your own, also needs a unique type of talent and not many people are blessed with it! (wink)

So this uplifting trance music is my booster, effortlessly it helps me in taking up my mood. Saturday working with no acrimonious feelings but surely the regret of not being able to work, stays in. Trance music does its own magic. 

Such are these days when I become dormant and hideous from the rest of the world. 

The neurons in our brain are so smart that they don't encourage you to go against the nature of your body and stretch, hence they start deactivating from the routine process. As if the path to various organs in my body are being choked due to the curfew in the information passage and they are demanding total quarantine from the daily activities. 

A day was not so far when my every muscle and bone of my body was going to yearn for sleep. My lifestyle is just sedentary but the way I am putting in words might look like an ant biting the elephant but true it was! The impact happening wasn't so recognizable but the effect thrown as output was fracturing in every sense!

Music is the only thing that keeps me going in these days, I cannot imagine my life without music because the gradual and secretive talking it does with your subconscious mind, is unpredictable!

Tunes and beats are those vitamins and fibers to my mind which become utmost necessary for these days. Had I not been a music maniac, I cannot imagine which alternative would have been my savior!

The immediate effect with which mind responds to each beat even in this traumatic situation, is the fascination of music. 

It was a capricious day but I can never underestimate the audacity of trance in digressing my spiky mood in to a fine succulent state.

Archived chat creates a turmoil!

It is Tuesday night and I was sitting in my home lawn, swinging by, with my laptop and blog. Did I forget to share about my two kittens who are proudly the carriers of their great kingdom, entering into the 4th generation🐱🐱

When the love for blogging is deep, the relationship with writing is inseparable. Amongst all the chaos of life the only thing that soothes you is pen and paper or keyboard and monitor. It is believed that a normal person has about 12000 to 60000 thoughts per day, of which 80% are negatives and others are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.

The morning had flushed in enough memories from the past. As soon as I come home, I see lovely meal treat prepared by my one and only- Mother chef💓 Dinner time is that time where the whole family joins in together sharing about the hustle bustle of the day, followed by mumma serving hot frankies on the table. What more could I have asked for in this peaceful evening!

Somehow, a restless person like me cannot stay in one mood for longer than few minutes and the quota of those few minutes was on the verge of exhausting soon! As if my mind had started experiencing the tremors of the upcoming storm in the mind! I thought to go and swing a bit and play with the cats to digress myself from that stormy wave, but to my expectation it all adds up more and more to the breaking mood. How can one be so much destined to stay in melancholic mood for more than needed! How can one strive daily for so much of patience and how can one try and maintain their inner self beyond a level!

Although these questions weren’t as horrifying as the core thing torturing my mind! Memories from past had so much occupied my heart which was thriving to beat, but than what was stopping me? The fear of future and the pain of the past were both weighing equally on each side of my mind.

He had played a song for me on a night when we decided to depart from each other’s life, finally caught the queue in my playlist, it was bidding a goodbye! Today was his birthday and the least I could do was write, write and write until my fingers cracked and my eyes wrecked!

Suddenly looking at that tiny kitten chewing a piece of bread, made me realize that life wasn't so harsh as I was taking it! Those poor cats are unaware about what is going to happen the next moment and still were climbing on the curtains, rolling back in full speed till they could smash their tails on the floor.

The memories that were haunting me were nothing but just the shadow of my unfulfilled wishes from the past, in other words just the perception because it never happened in real yet was just always in my dream…………..

A day full of anxiety

In a metro city like Pune, where multi lingual and multi cultured people come together for a common purpose of life called as a "career", even I fell in trap of one such story!

Today suddenly I am failing to hold myself from getting dragged into those moments of past which once upon a time were exactly as I wanted to be! Doesn't matter, he is not with me now but I have his memories with me for the whole life to cherish...

I was starring outside the window while sitting on the rotating chair in office and thinking about today, exactly how it was 2 years back! I had planned enough surprises and gifts for him for the whole day so that he can feel special on his birthday, but in turn he forgot to offer me that one chocolate which otherwise he served to the whole office. Weird but that's how he was- unintended disappointments and not good at maintaining the tiny gestures of the relationship. I suddenly rushed to the washroom and cried for a while and the moment I come out, he was right there standing on the other side of the door, waiting for me. My tears of sadness did not take a second to change to tears of happiness when he apologized with his innocent face and more innocent smile saying "sorry Mitzy!" and his magic was done!

Today is the same day, but destiny chose different time and place for us. I don't know where he is, what he is doing and how is he doing but one thing is for sure, my heart has still not been able to get rid of his memories. Since morning I have been looking into that archived chat which I haven't deleted since 2 years. Somethings are not there with you, but the effect and power of the feelings stay as fresh as yesterday! As  much as insane, I couldn't stop thinking about how to wish him and as you know the fear of heart always overrules the mind but this time I chose to listen to my mind (even though heart and emotions were overpowering and managing the whole situation in the mind was beyond my control).

Periodically I was opening his chat window which showed the last ping from 16 months back. My heart was a fool who wanted to see him online and "typing...." even though I knew the reality was far more head of the imaginations my mind could create in its own bubble and find out ways to hurt self.

I opened a Youtube window and started playing "Radhe Krishna ki jodi alokik...." which was our mutual favorite Krishan bhajan. I was so helpless that I couldn't wish him because of many fears- would I even get his reply, would he be even thinking about me, would he be even missing or remembering the same day 2 yrs back and thinking of me? All these thoughts has occupied my mind so much that I was left with no option than taking my pain out on a piece of paper where pen became the weapon to win against the emotional heart.

I had moved on, in my life but the only constant was his memories which were still intact and preserved in some corner of my heart. There comes days when I break and burst but there even comes days when I cherish this pain as it was for life and I had accepted the bitter reality. God has his own plans and you cant win. With all the faith and belief in God, I had surrendered my life in God's safe hands!

You only know you love him when you let him go.....

Mundane Monday!

Sunday night always brings in uncertain experience to the Monday morning

The quote "Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat" fits the best for this day called as Sun-Day!

I bet everyone of us have that one, one night stand with our room, once a week on Saturday night!

And no one of us would be shy or scared to confess this relationship  loudly :-D

So when you have to travel more than 100  miles daily, to and fro to reach your office, this long wait of 6 days seem like 6 weeks!

The Solar Eclipse that happened after nearly 900 years, made all of us keen and scared at the same time (for all those who had read the memes stating the end of the world on 21st June 2020) :-P

Mythology and Ancient times have their own theories and science behind a set of rules to be followed during eclipses. I don't remember waking up so early on Sunday, almost in last six months. Clock strikes 10 and I was all done with my breakfast, in those light pink shaded pajamas. As per the mythology and cosmic effect stuff , we were not supposed to light the stove or cook anything amid these 4 hours of eclipse. Being a food fetish, you know how important it becomes to over stuff and bag your stomach with extra calories that would help you to be satiated for next 4 hours!

I was constantly checking the time for eclipse to get over in my city and so i could grab those two piece of pizzas which I had saved since Saturday night (the only food that has the ability to calm down the cyclone going on in my mind). Everyone at home was starving so I thought to make "Maharashtra style Poha" while they were wrapping up with the rituals of sprinkling the Ganges water in the whole house, to make it sacred and free from the not so good cosmic effects of eclipse.

One dubbed South Indian movie in the evening along with cousins and a glass of wine, makes perfect dusk. In between all this, a thought from past suddenly crosses my mind and it tears me apart up to the extent that before even alarm rings, I was all awake.

And then starts the weekly routine, with uninvited mundane Monday!

Desires and Wants!

There are times when you do not wish to be angry but confined by the nature, you get angry. There are three types of nature and pertaining to these types there are different attributes that forms our behavior-

Sattavik (Goodness, Constructive, Harmonious)

Rajasik  (Passion, Active, Confused)

Tamasik (Dark, Destructive, Chaotic)

We do our karma as per our attributes and that is how it is expected. A person who has achieved the highest level of knowledge, is aware that we behave the way we are because of our nature. It is their responsibility to make the others understand. We should trust god and handover the lock and key of our karma to him and have faith in what we do, releasing our self from all the emotions that are attached to this world. Concentrating on the deeds and focusing on karma, is the only thing we have to do, irrespective of thinking about the success and failure attached behind it. The aim of life is getting freedom from different life cycles.

There will be many people around us who think they have all the possible knowledge in the world and entangled by the resulted ego and superiority, they keep on bragging about their work rather than actually what they do. Krishna says such people are called as foolish and we should maintain a safe distance from such people. We behave as per the nature we are given and so if one thinks that they can take the work out of you, by making you go against your basic nature, they are doing nothing but literally wasting their time!       

Our senses are made of love and hatred. Any of us falling in trap of these emotions, is like inviting an enemy in the path of our success. Hence, we should think that desire, love, anger, hatred all are our enemies. Each of us should only be concerned only to their own doings and karma. Dying for one’s religion is good but never digress yourself in someone else’s religion.

Have you ever pondered why does a person commit sin; may it be in favor or against the nature? Do you know which factors consent him to do so? Why is one unable to walk on the path as narrated by God and why they tempt to deviate to the wrong ones? What makes them so helpless that it takes nothing for them to own lies and dishonesty? The answer to all these is just one. Desire is the evilest thing. Anger is the by-product of desire and desire originates from Rajoguna. Both of these emotions never end, in fact they keep on diluting your soul to the extent which makes your life, lifeless! The moment one starts getting inclined towards any of these bitter and negative emotions, is the indication to understand that your enemy has started taking grip on you.

Just the way smoke stashes fire, dust murks the clarity of the mirror, amnion covers the embryo, desire suppresses our knowledge. They make us so helpless that we commit sin and therefore, god has tagged desire as our enemy. Everything is within us, nothing is outside us.

Fire’s desire to combust is as strong as a human’s desire to yearn for expensive things, if its not extinguished immediately, it can burn the whole forest. No one has been able to get rid of any desire, it ends the human but wont end itself. Just the way adding fuel to the fire, enhances the flame, same way desire acts as a fuel to the destruction of our soul and ultimately the purpose of life. Before these desires take over senses and mind, we need to kill them from within as it is the anger only that makes us forget the path of karma.

Heart is better than senses and mind is better than heart,  the one that is biggest of all, is our Soul. Heart can be controlled with the intellect of mind, indirectly you will be able to maintain equilibrium on your sense as well. So when senses and heart, both are in your control, mind becomes the leader. This is the way to get connected to god by the means of getting rid of all the desires and dedicating your soul towards your karma and in turn walking on a path to be one with almighty. After all Krishna only said  "Soul is a part of God".

 

Karmayog

There is not a single moment in which we are living without doing our Karma!

 "If knowledge is better than karma then why do you want me to do my karma!”, Arjuna asked to Lord Krishna with all the perplexity in mind.

To this, Lord Krishna replies-

There are two types of faiths in this world-One is Sankhyayog which is related to knowledge, and attained by controlling our senses while focusing in god. This happens through Gyanyog and hence the person is called as a saint or the learned one. Second is Karmayog which is related to just performing your own deeds without expecting in return.

Not dedicated towards doing the deeds is also marked as committing a deed! Till the time we live on this earth and have a life, we are bound to do our karma. The one who just dramatizes that he is fasting but keeps on dreaming about the food throughout the day with his senses, is called as a deceitful person and god doesn’t consider that as a fast. The person who truly focuses his mind in all the deeds, without having any kind of greed or expectation in return, will only be considered as a Karmayogi.

Offering prayers to God in the form of fire is called as Yagnas which makes him happy. He will fulfill all your wishes without even you asking for them. On the contrary, the one who does yagna but doesn't pray to god with all this senses, and still keeps the expectation in return, is called as a burglar. That is why before entering into anything auspicious occasion, we chant god’s name and perform Yagnas. It is a medium connecting humans to the God.

Everything is give and take in this world, expecting a result without having contributed anything, is called as a manipulation. The ones who consumes food offered to gods after yagnas, becomes free form all the sins! Are we just on this planet to eat and live, if so then what’s the use of this life, do we even understand the purpose of life?! If the grains in the farms stop growing then there will be no life. Food comes from the grains and grains from the rain, rain is a result of offering fire to the gods, which is considered as a part of karma and originates from the Vedas.

Krishna says “Hey Parth, the person who does not do karma, is merely of no use, there is no existence of such person on this earth.  He is ought to take births one after the other and the cycle repeats, but there is no end to his suffering. There is a meaning to the philosophy and education mentioned in Vedas and Granths which teaches us the way of life!!

The person who is engrossed in his own soul, satisfied with his own soul and lives by the way of committing his life towards his duties, no karma is applicable for him, one more big truth of life. The ratio of such people is 1:Crore. These people have already been freed from their deeds because they have gained the power and reached the stage of enlightenment, knowing whats the purpose of this life. 

“A person who attains oneness with god, is not bound by any kind of duties in this world”

Detach yourself from the attachments and work towards the fulfillment of your karma.

There is only one leader but there are thousands followers, so decide who you want to be!

The divine power, the creator, the destroyer, the omnipresent- God, doesn’t have any duty towards the three Lokas, neither there is anything which is out of his reach, still he believes in Karma. That’s is the ultimate reason why he did not deny his role in Mahabharata. His army was with Kauravas but he was with Pandavas, as a guide and mentor of Arjuna in the form of a Charioter!

When almighty is doing his deeds, who are we to escape!

 

Soul and Karma

What's the use of that prosperity and fame, that is achieved at the cost of killing one's own people?

No happiness in the world will be able to calm you once you realize the guilt hidden behind it.

On the field of Kurukshetra, when Arjuna was narrating about this concerns of getting into the war with his own relatives, Lord Krishna laughed on him because being the God himself and having the divine powers to foresee the future, he was aware about everything.

"Hey Arjuna, you are becoming restless and complaining to me for the people who are not even worth sympathizing! There wasn't a moment when I was not there or you were not there and there will be no time when everyone will be there forever! We come and go, the cycle repeats and it is difficult for humans to understand this cycle.",  said Lord Krishna with the mysterious smile on his face.

Explaining the purpose of life, Krishna says "the way we have phases of life- childhood, adulthood, old age, in the same way we get different bodies in every life but the soul remains the same. Change is the rule of life and it is inevitable, the thing that doesn't change is called as a Soul"

Seasons arrive and depart and affected by them our senses also get the feelings of hunger, thirst, happiness, sadness, etc. 

These will end one day but the one that never ends is called as a soul

The one that is unaffected by life, gets the ultimate freedom

The person who balances all the circumstances of life smoothly, surely reaches the peaks.

No matter what the age is, just turn back once and think, there were so many moments when you cried and smiled and this will keep on happening ahead as well but only the enlightened one knows that nothing is permanent, time changes!

Lie has no existence, only truth prevails!

Only the learned ones know there is no point in pining for anything as the next moment is going to be different from the current one.

The one who thinks soul dies, isn't aware about the truth and the truth is the existence of soul

The one who understand that soul is the biggest truth, how can he or she kill someone or be the reason for killing someone, digesting this fact means coming in sync with the eternity

We rely more on lies than truth, more on body than soul, the body that is made of soil and will burn in fire one day but important is, the soul which is omnipresent.

Every thing has a shelf life and so does the body. Just like replacing old garments with new when the old ones tear off, same is the process with the soul. Taking a shelter in new body when the existing one takes off.

No weapons can cut the soul, no fire can burn the soul, no water can immerse the soul and no air can dry the soul, soul is not a thing, it has its own existence which is omnipresent.

Soul cannot be personified or thought,  it is shapeless, free from deformities and shortcomings!

We are not able to understand soul with our senses because our senses are made for this materialistic world full of emotions towards the mortal things, whereas the soul is immortal!

Accepting the challenge with open heart is a step towards obeying the deeds and accomplishing them. If you don't walk on the path of fulfilling deeds by not rejecting the challenge, you will be committing sins which means  moving away from the religion and actively contributing to the bucket of the sin.

Denial to accept the challenge is like expecting the insult and disrespect without even inviting!

Anyone who runs away from the battlefield is a coward and doesn't get any space to adapt because society is full of critics who always wait for the morsel of a gossip, involving the defeat of the unexpected ones. Winning or losing will be secondary as far as you have the courage to accept the open challenge and walk on  the path of karma.

Karmayog is the way to get rid of all the hurdles of our life, which couldn't be otherwise!

Knowledge is understanding and Karma is the behavior, both are the ways to reach our destination.

When any decision is to be taken, there is just one thought and mind to it but when there is lack of decision, there are many thoughts and minds behind it.

Vedas  also have limitation and just have three ways of life but what is even superior to them, is karmayog! The magic of karma is so big that all the knowledge diminishes in front of it.

Just keep on doing your karma, good or bad, happy or sad, God will take care of rest!

Saturday Scenes

It is that part of the day when you start for you office and head towards the pick up stand. There is a parking lot where many vehicles stay parked for the whole day and the people staying in the nearby hut, take care of them on behalf of the owners. The moment I step away after parking my bike, and wait for the vehicles to talk halt so that I can cross the roads and reach the opposite side, to catch my office bus, I encounter miserable scenario.

Being animal affectionate person, you cannot control the adrenaline rush in the body and your brain wont get even a second to realize before you actually get into the action!

I was looking to my left and right to cross the road, and the moment I reach the divider part, there is a dog who is brutally trapped in to the net and clutched even more cruelly into the van. My mind was all perplexed and my eyes were struggling to catch that one angle from which I could see the whole activity being done. In the flash of a second, I start walking towards the dog but how can I forget I am not destined with so good fate that I can get the privilege to save some soul's life. Meanwhile I saw a girl, coming past the van, seemed to have some kind of conversation with the catchers. Suddenly the velocity with which I was walking got doubled! She was walking on the same line of path where I was and hence I grabbed the opportunity to ask her what was going on there with the dog as she had been witnessing the whole thing.

As if that moment in which the catcher was brutally kicking the dog inside the van, has snapped my subconscious memory and the reply I was expecting from that girl to the question I asked, was not so soothing. But to my surprise the answer she gave was not as bad as my mind had presumed!

She said "they took him for operation" and that made me breathe. My mind wasn't still ready to believe on what she said, as my memory continuously flashed that scene in front of my eyes.

In no time, my bus arrives and I had to board it, with many thoughts and unanswered questions in my mind. Seeing that dog face from the van grill where he was yearning for help and trying to lift his neck to see the outside world, left me in tears. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about him in the whole bus, giving myself consolations about the well being of that dog.

My heart still wanted to believe that whatever that girl told was truth but my mind wasn't ready to agree with my heart.

Catharsis

Everyone of us have 24 hours but what matters most is that how much you make out of these 24 hours!

Some hide themselves in bed while others are protecting the borders
Some are so privileged to sit home and eat lavish food whole others have to strive hard to earn a loaf for survival

Some of us get anything and everything in one voice, while others cant even afford the fuel to cook

Kids of some just wish and get the desired toy with one shout, while few kids are not even destined to play with a small toy car in their childhood

Do we understand the difference between a want and a need?

Our society is divided into rich, middle class and poor where rich are being followed while the poor are being kicked, the only left behind are the middle classed!

Prejudiced behavior of rich and settling  nature of poor always clash in their own.

But have you ever thought how the scenario would have been if everyone was considerate towards each other?

Amid this chaotic life, there is some or the other passion or interest in all of us, which gives us relief. 

What is yours? Mine is "to write"

Penning down every single thought and giving life to those words which would otherwise have stayed dormant, is something that gives me sheer happiness.

When there is a cyclone going inside your mind, the outside storm doesn't affect you because the intensity of that cyclone is strong enough to keep you unaltered!

When there is a fire in your own backyard, you cant feel the fire of forest, that is how every human on this earth is like.

For Logophiles like me, it is quite cost effective to maintain the inner peace and be back to Nirvana.

I aspire to grow in writing and I am striving for it as it is said, before every morning there has to be a dark night and so is my story.

I cry, I yearn, I shatter, I hide but in the end I write!

Taking out everything that has been bothering your peace and sharing it with a piece of paper, isn't proving just better for me but instead it boasts up the confidence in self. 

The love for words and the passion for sharing it with the world, wont ever diminish till the time I am destined to be on this earth.

Writing is my love and being sacred towards what you love, it is a duty....

~MS

Onset of Monsoon....

After the previous night full of daunting thoughts and restless hours, there came a morning that brought in a different experience.  It was raining since the previous night and the 2 months old kittens in my backyard were scared as hell due to the continuous thunder and lightening.

My mother had made a closed cardboard little cuboid for them to hide in and spend their night. Her over emotional and sensitive heart would  not let her sleep with those little kittos staying petrified the whole night!

New day, fresh air, moist soil, smell of the clay and people in the neighborhood all pumped up to start their day. The moment I open the curtains, entire rooms sparkles with a glittery shine, as if water and sun both are whisking in each other and throwing a bright side of the day. It seemed as if climate was wearing a silky smooth yellow layer of gold, enhancing the beauty of the morning. Wrapped in the petals were the buds, trying to force themselves to outgrow thru the tiny spaces between the petals. As if they were eager to come in this world and see the beauty of the nature, with themselves being one!  :)

If I was not a nature loving person than the daily travel of 100 km to work would have been boring. Thank god I am a person who loves mountains and woods more than beaches and waters!

The road leading to my office is full of lush green trees, covering the space with their branches in the middle and twirling into each other. There comes a junction of tri-roads where all the boundaries are fenced with gigantic and lavish coconut trees, all together giving a mesmerized look. Trees drenched with Dandelions, contribute to a different level of happiness and calmness. What more can one ask for, on this day marked by the first rains of the season. Everyone was eagerly welcoming the onset of monsoon.

Indistinct conversations and chatters amongst the office peers about the perfect climate were totally expected. They were talking about all the plans they would have made, had there been no office today!

I was no different from the crowd who wanted to climb high the mountain across the roads. It is a perfect spot for all the youngsters in this season. Standing at the top of the mountain and being able to see the beauty of the whole city, clouds touching your head and the cool breeze striking your body, giving you the tickling effect. Sipping ginger and mint tea with hot Pakodas, while bantering about the unsorted business called as "life", has its own charm....Such is the magical effect of the climate, sitting in office and dreaming about the day out of office!

This morning has brought in so much for me to spend the whole day in happy and optimistic mood. 

Satisfaction of soul is more valuable than the desires of the body....

~MS

 

Lump in the throat

Evening wasn't any different than the previous ones, and there wasn't anything special other than her curiosity to reach home.

She came home after a day long at work and grabbed a cup of tea. Her routine was to swing by the lawn for a while and sit with Mom.

Today the only difference was that she switched on TV and channeled a dubbed south Indian movie. It was for the first time she decided to give a try and set long for 3 hrs completing the movie named "vedalam"

Not only she was watching the movie but her mommie dearest also joined her and suddenly got so engrossed that she started presuming every scene of it and to her pleasant surprise every guess of hers was a perfect shot!

Clock struck 10pm and she fills up her bottle, collects her necessities, carries her stack of clothes and proceeds towards her room.

Meanwhile the outside climate was also taking a twist along with the inside Scenes.

Clouds were striking hard along with the lightening, converting sound energy into electrical energy and the impact inside her room was aptly changing as she got into arguments with her mother.

The guilt of speaking undesirable and unwanted words in the heat of the moment, was biting her more than you could imagine.

Everytime she would think to control her tongue and mind but she fails miserably.

Her short tempered nature was her weakness but she couldn't overcome it. Everytime she decides to control it, she saw tears in her mom's eyes, which multiplies furiously in the load of the guilt she was carrying.

Why can't she keep her mom happy?!

Why she does what she doesn't intend?!

Hundreds of questions to which there was no answer and the only thing that weighed was- "the unbearable load of guilt!"

With a lump in her throat she jumps in bed and starts penning down that state of mind which only pen and paper could translate....

~MS

Divided by Pain, United by Perseverance!

"And so I cry sometimes when I am lying in my bed,

Just to get it all out, whats in my head!

I am feeling a little peculiar, so I wake in the morning, step outside and I take a deep breathe, talking to the vibrant sun rays, moist flower petals and feeling that icy touch of the moist breeze."--------Anonymous

The girl next door, who is as simple as you but doesn't seems so simple to the rest,,,

why? because she has the eyebrows that raise for no reason, the eyes that get furious for nothing.

That's not what she intends but that's how she is and holding a manipulative smile wasn't her interest!

She also had a dual personality (not different from other humans) but that wasn't to mislead anyone or harm anyone, that was just to hide her pain from the world. 

The pain that was deep down buried but had the fresh scars, the pain that was invisible but was certainly in there! That pain which had twisted her life up to an extent where she would repel herself from the same crowd which once upon a time she was attracted to!

Irony here is that, this girl has still not lost faith.

The only faith and hope that kept her going.

She tried so hard and got so far that now nothing can pull her back.

Question was- does it even matter?!

If it doesn't matter then why did she strive so extreme to hold herself!

Dominant by her thoughts and inclined by her passion, she always thought of getting to the peak where only actions speak! She dint do drugs but she takes this pill, the pill that converts her sorrows into her strength.

In this imaginary world, she also had her own fantasies, that drove her to visualize the life she would never think of!

Struggling between keeping the bizarre thoughts aside and close her eyes, her alarmed mind would not need any sound in the morning to rise up.

There were many concerns in her life yet to fall in place but the trust in time and belief in god would not let her deviate from her doings.

Still she wont be forced against her will because that's what she has been following her entire life.

She had chosen her life amidst all the odds that each day brought in, and that was the secret to the rigorous strength and un-ending sequence of her dreams

You don't realize the importance of signboards until you take one wrong turn!
~ MS


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